Saturday Morning Dispatch No.14
Looks like I’m on some sort of week-on week-off schedule with these newsletters right now. The truth is, my youngest is only at school three hours a day, which is just about enough time for me to put pants on before I have to pick her up. Doesn’t leave much time for writing. Definitely not enough time for editing, and you’re glad I’m not sending out unedited newsletters. Here’s why:
Do-overs.
Last week I was trying to write about how being present with my kids is the antidote to wanting a do-over with the parts of my life I missed out on while I was struggling with anxiety and depression. And honestly, it was terrible. The writing, I mean. YES, being present is the antidote to wishing you could have a second chance. But writing about it in a way that doesn’t sound preachy or syrupy requires editing, which requires time, and ignoring my kid so I can write about being present with my kid feels like… not what I’m going for.
Three moments from last week that inspired my TED Talk:
Helping my big girl with washing (and rinsing and conditioning and rinsing again) her hair in the shower and trying to teach her how to do it herself without getting soap and water in her eyes. And her saying, “Thank you, mother,” which cracks me up and I say, “You’re welcome, daughter.”
Sitting in the driveway with my middle child because she wanted to finish the song on the radio (by “radio” I mean “Spotify”). Singing and being silly with her, and then later that night she said, “I had fun singing the song with you.” I had fun singing the song with you, too, Banana!
A trip to Walmart with my littlest friend, who wanted to look closely at every Easter display, to build a fort in the toilet paper aisle, and to waggle her butt in front of the yogurt. She’s a little joy leprechaun with a cartoon voice and people can’t help but smile when they see her, which is its own kind of fun.
These are super mundane events. I’ve done versions of these things many, many times, and they’re often annoying and usually forgettable. It’s so easy to get stuck on autopilot, I think especially when you have small children and life can feel a little like Groundhog Day minus the comedic genius of Bill Murray. And frankly, being present wasn’t even a choice when I was in the ninth circle of mental illness. But the more time I spend with a brain that isn’t holding itself hostage, the more I’m able to see that washing the hair and buying the groceries and singing the song are it. There is magic in the mundane, and a do-over feels less important, because being present is the do-over.
I think I’m veering into Live, Laugh, Love territory now, so I’ll wrap it up. I’m no zen master and Oprah’s not knocking down my door to come on her podcast. But when I’m paying attention to what’s happening right in front of me, kids or otherwise, contentment is mine. I highly recommend it.
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Not-a-toy.
We celebrated another birthday in our house last weekend, and I accidentally invited the entire class, and what is the deal now with people giving multiple gifts? There were 12 kids at the party and afterward I think there were almost 20 new toys in our house. Is that normal? Once we celebrate our last 2024 birthday, I’m officially moving into the “no gifts please” camp.
Anyway, an influx of pink and purple plastic always reminds me of all the not-a-toys my kids have happily played with, and then I swear I’ll never buy another anything just to spite consumer capitalism (I inevitably buy another something at some point galdangit!).
Here are a few not-a-toy stand-outs:
Digital kitchen timer as cellphone, gameboy, and…kitchen timer.
Happy Meal box as house for a family of wood chips.
Canned goods for pretend grocery shopping and for building dangerous towers.
Box of tampons as picnic basket of food, obviously.
Empty open stapler as vacuum cleaner for Kermit the Frog.
Hole-punch detritus as breath mints.
These children do not need toys. The Happy Meal toy that came in that Happy Meal box above? I don’t know what it was but it is 100% languishing in a landfill now.
My grandmother had to pretend rocks were dolls! And she was awesome!
That’s it.
KIDS! PACK YOUR OVERALLS! WE’RE GOING OFF THE GRID!
Quote of the Day
“Mom, is this food? Or a toy?” — my oldest, eating a Twizzler
I hope you have a lovely, peaceful, present weekend, and I’ll (hopefully) see you next week. I’m off to research raising chickens.
Love,
Kathryn
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Probably your best yet! I -your husband- actually really needed this wisdom this morning.
Love the being present part. Always good advice. Really it’s all we got.